


Those Who Falter

by EchoInTheSilence



Series: A Lifetime Of Service [1]
Category: Numb3rs (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Episode: s04e01 Trust Metric, Gen, Implied/Referenced Torture, Internal Monologue, POV Dwayne Carter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:14:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21830554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EchoInTheSilence/pseuds/EchoInTheSilence
Summary: "When Colby admits what he's done, what he's been doing all along, Dwayne feels a flash of betrayal, but it's quickly overpowered by guilt. He's the one who approached Colby, who refused to take no for an answer, who leveraged a debt to force Colby's hand and in doing so put his friend in an impossible position. No, Colby didn't betray him; he betrayed Colby, and he knows it. Knows that this is his fault."Dwayne Carter's POV of the events in "Trust Metric".
Series: A Lifetime Of Service [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1104183
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Those Who Falter

It had all happened so fast. A minute ago, Dwayne was a prisoner, chained to a van as it drove through the streets of Los Angeles. But then there was an explosion, the van nearly thrown off its wheels, and now Colby is handing him a key. The key to his freedom.

The next few minutes are a blur, through which he acts mostly on instinct – after all, traitor or no, he is still military-trained. Colby pushes the key into his hand, and he gets one of the cuffs unlocked before he's thrown backwards by an explosion rocks the truck, losing his grip on the key and gashing his forehead on the cuff still attached to his other hand. Then he's running down the street with Colby, hobbling from the shackle in some bizarre parody of a three-legged race.

The shop provides the tools they need to free themselves from the last of their chains and a few pieces of clothing they can throw on to disguise their prison uniforms, but before they have a chance to say more than a few words to each other, they hear sirens and they're running again. There's certainly no time in the pursuit that follows, and, by a mutual unspoken agreement, they carefully distance themselves from each other in the subway car. Their disguises might work to deflect a glance, but they don't want to give anyone a reason to look closer.

As the train pulls out of the station, he takes a moment to glance at Colby, subtly checking on his friend in a way he hadn't had a chance to do before now. Colby looks absolutely exhausted, he notes, and the observation disquiets him. Until now, he's never considered what prison must have been like for Colby. Being a traitor had made things bad enough; being a traitor _and_ former law enforcement...

He shakes his head. There'll be time for that later. Right now, they have to focus on getting to safety, to make sure they don't get dragged back. Then they can deal with what's already happened.

xxxxxxxxx

That encounter at the train station, he reflects, was entirely too close a call. For a moment, he'd been ready to die in a hail of bullets, certain that that was the only alternative to going back to prison. Though he certainly isn't sorry that Colby came up with a better alternative, that they escaped with their lives and their freedom, that they're on their way out of the FBI's reach

Now that they're safe in the car, he can feel the after-effects of the adrenaline that had gotten them this far beginning to take hold, but a glance to his right tells him that it's hitting his already-exhausted friend that much harder. Colby is slumped against the door as if he lacks the energy to hold his body upright, visibly struggling to keep his eyes open.

He turns towards Colby, keeping his voice light to mask his concern. “Well, you look beat.”

Colby gives him a halfhearted attempt at a glare. “Thanks.”

Dwayne glances out the window, though he hardly needs the visual; he can tell from the motion of the car that they're all but gridlocked. “I don't think we're getting anywhere anytime soon,” he offers. “If you wanted to catch a nap...”

Colby doesn't, or can't, hide the longing look that flashes across his face at the thought. “You think so?”

He covers his feelings with a quick grin. “Of course. We'd be at least half an hour away in decent traffic, and this is not decent traffic.” He softens his voice a fraction, recognizing that Colby is understandably cautious. “Go ahead. I'm not gonna let you get left behind.”

Colby still looks a little uncertain, but he lets his eyes slip shut and his head fall back against the window. Apparently, he trusts Dwayne to watch his back – either that or he's just too tired to worry about it any further. Again, Dwayne can't help but wonder what Colby has been through to leave him so exhausted. He had hated solitary with a passion, but at least it had the one small benefit of keeping him away from those who would do him harm. He'd spent the first two weeks of his time there in general population, and that had been enough to make it clear that it was hardly any better.

Colby had spent the entire five weeks there, and with the additional burden of being a former cop. It was small wonder, really, that Colby was exhausted. With no one to watch his back, he would have been vulnerable whenever he was asleep, and had likely slept as little as possible in order to minimize the risk.

He lays a hand on Colby's forearm, hoping to keep him grounded. Whatever his friend has endured, he suspects it's more than enough to haunt the man's dreams.

xxxxxxxxx

It was supposed to have been simple, to have been the end of their ordeal. They'd climb onto the ship, check in quickly with his boss, and then they could finally rest – _Colby_ could finally rest. Instead, he's watching as his boss calls his friend out as a plant. A triple agent. He almost can't believe his own ears.

When Colby admits what he's done, what he's been doing all along, Dwayne feels a flash of betrayal, but it's quickly overpowered by guilt. He's the one who approached Colby, who refused to take no for an answer, who leveraged a debt to force Colby's hand and in doing so put his friend in an impossible position. No, Colby didn't betray him; he betrayed Colby, and he knows it. Knows that this is his fault. He wonders if that momentary sense of betrayal is anything compared to what Colby must have felt two years ago when Dwayne first approached him.

He can't watch as Lancer plunges the needle into Colby's arm.

xxxxxxxxx

It's been hours, and Dwayne can hardly bear it. He's been looking away almost since it began, but it doesn't matter. He can still hear Colby struggling for breath, still hear the occasional muffled gasp that speaks to the agony his friend is in. He feels ashamed that _he's_ the one on the edge of losing it, when it's Colby who's being tortured, but his resolve is crumbling and he's helpless to stop it. 

He knows he could leave the room if he wanted to. Lancer has already said that he won't force him to stay for this. But as unbearable as it is to watch this unfold, he can't bring himself to walk away. He's responsible for this, and it's his friend in that chair, and those facts won't allow him to walk away.

He steals another glance at Colby and immediately has to look away. He wishes he could do _something_ to give Colby a little relief, that he could at least offer him a sip of water or a moment's comfort. But he knows Lancer wouldn't let him. All he can do is listen, bear witness to his friend's suffering.

When Lancer threatens Colby's life, painting a picture of hours of unimaginable pain ending in a senseless death, he can bear it no longer. He knows that arguing with Lancer would be pointless, so he turns to the one person who has the power to put an end to it. “Granger,” he pleads, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice, “don't do this. It's not worth it for some secrets nobody'll care about six months from now.” _Nothing is worth this, Colby, can't you see that?_

Colby speaks to him then, for the first time since they boarded the freighter, his voice dry and rough. “Dwayne, I really wish somebody else had pulled me out of that fire.”

He's not sure if he's more surprised by the statement itself or by the fact that _this_ is what Colby fought through the pain to say to him. The only response he can manage is a soft, “Why?”

“Because I hate owing you.”

The words hit him like a punch to the gut, because he knows Colby is right. He exploited that debt, he tried to take advantage, and it's because of that that all of this is happening. It's his fault that Colby is suffering, and it'll be his fault if Colby dies.

His thoughts are interrupted by a siren, followed by a voice over a bullhorn. “ _This is the FBI. Shut down your engines. Prepare to be boarded._ ”

Despite what it means for him, all he feels is relief. The FBI is here, they're going to save Colby. Earlier in the day, going back to prison had been the worst possible fate he could imagine, but that same fate now seems a small price to pay if it means an end to Colby's suffering.

Then, as a gun battle rages above them, he sees Lancer filling the syringe. _No. No, no, no._ “What are you doing?”

Lancer barely spares him a glance, replying to the query in a voice completely devoid of any emotion. “What I said I would.” Then he plunges the needle into Colby's chest.

For a moment, time seems to stand still, as if the world had stopped turning on its axis. A thousand thoughts rush through his mind. Thoughts of Colby, memories of a friendship that had been authentic once, before Dwayne had tainted it with his own selfishness. The care he feels for his friend, because he _does_ care for Colby, even if he's lost sight of that recently. Guilt and shame for the way he used Colby, took advantage of him, for being the reason that Colby ever got dragged into this screwed-up mess. A long-buried spark of honor that his apathy and cynicism hasn't quite managed to choke out. But one thought is paramount above all others. He cannot, _will not_ , let Colby die for his mistakes.

He knows what he has to do.

He pulls the gun from his waistband, cocking it as he raises it to eye level. When Lancer looks up at the sound, Dwayne pulls the trigger. The bullet hits Lancer square between the eyes, and he falls back. Dwayne knows enough about shooting to know the man is likely dead before he hits the floor, and he feels a sense of satisfaction at the thought. Lancer had made Dwayne a traitor, had convinced him to stab Colby in the back; it seems only fitting that the man should meet his end with a taste of his own medicine.

His next thought is to run to Colby's side, assess his friend's condition, help in any way he can. But he never gets the chance to act on it. Barely a moment after he pulls the trigger, Dwayne feels a bullet rip through his own back. He falls to the deck and knows he won't get up again.

As he lays there, the thought crosses his mind that the last thing Colby said to him was that he wished Dwayne hadn't saved his life. He wishes he could tell Colby that it's okay, that he doesn't owe Dwayne anything, that this is the least Dwayne can do given that it's his own fault Colby's life was at risk in the first place.

He wishes he could tell Colby that he's sorry for everything.

He wishes he could tell Colby he really does care, even if he'd lost sight of that for a while. That he truly did consider Colby a friend.

He wishes he could tell Colby that he's been a far better friend than Dwayne ever deserved.

He wishes he'd said it all while he still had the chance.

He wishes he could say goodbye.

As the last of his consciousness begins to slip away, he hears voices shouting. He recognizes one of them as David Sinclair, Colby's partner – Colby's friend. He can't move, can't speak, but he reaches out mentally, thinking the words he'd like to say.

_Take care of him._

He knows David can't hear him, but it's okay. David is Colby's friend, and a better friend than Dwayne ever was. He doesn't need to be told. He'll do it of his own accord, Dwayne is sure of it.

With that thought, he lets go.

**Author's Note:**

> I really found myself fascinated with Carter's character in "Trust Metric", especially at the end. It seems like it's pretty well-established what kind of a person he is, and then he does something completely unexpected like that. I wondered what train of thought led him to that, and thus this story was born.
> 
> The title comes from the musical _Les Miserables_ , specifically the song "Stars". All of the dialogue in the last scene (from "Granger, don't do this..." on) is directly from "Trust Metric".


End file.
